Thursday, September 22, 2011

Three-Legged Blues?

Well. It isn't quite this bad.

Three-Legged Blues by Jane Hirshfield

Always you were given
one too many, one too few.
What almost happens, doesn't.
What might be lost, you'll lose.
The crows will eat your garden.
Weeds will get what's left.
Your cats will be three-legged,
your house's mice be blessed.
One friend will take your husband,
another wear your dress.
No, it isn't what you wanted.
It isn't what you'd choose.
Your floors have always slanted.
Your roof has paid its dues.
Life delivered you a present—
a too-small pair of shoes.
What almost happened, won't now.
What can be lost, you'll lose.

"Three-Legged Blues" by Jane Hirshfield, from Come, Thief. © Alfred A. Knopf, 2011

I"ve got the blues. Not, thankfully, the blues described in the poem above -- my floors aren't slanted, I don't have any three-legged cats, my husband hasn't run off with my best friend, & etc. But boy, am I blue!!

I have felt it coming, that slow slide into the dark. It has come early this year, and I'm just about tired of putting up the struggle to fend it off. It's probably the weather we've had for the past few weeks. Maybe it's my age.

Last winter just about did me in. I felt like I was hanging on by the tips of my fingernails. By the time springlike weather came I was panting from exhaustion. The rains were bad for a while but always there was the realization that it was warm, it was spring, there was at least some sun. Then the debilitating heat came.

I have never been able to handle heat. I go around in shorts and short sleeves in 50° weather unless there's a cold wind blowing. I crank the air conditioning down to 60° whenever I feel I can get away with it. The heat kept me from doing things outside the way I would have liked to do. Then we had a couple of really nice weeks. Moderate temps, sunshine, warm breezes. Is that all we're going to get?

The past two weeks have been mostly rainy. Yes, the sun peeks out sometimes; we've had a nice day here and there. But it doesn't seem to be enough for me. I am grouchy and easily irritated. I can feel my blood pressure rise at the teeniest bit of annoyance. I want to sleep all the time. I feel exhausted after I've been up for just a little while. I ache. I have days where all I want to do is read, followed by days I can't bring myself to pick up any book. I'm just not interested. I log onto Facebook several times a day because after I log on, I just don't care to be there. So I log off and come back later. Still not really interested.

I have to make myself pick up the phone to call my Mom.

It's the winter blues. And they're coming early.

And I don't like it.


Lisa said...

I sure can relate!! I've never been more tired than I have this year... never more sick of the heat than I have been this year... I even stopped playing all facebk games because they were making it worse. I am SO glad that we have one really great thing to rejoice in... no 3 legged cats!! ugh that would be so sad...

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Hope you can find some joy in the changing of the season, the colored leaves, the crispness of the air, the warmth of a blanket while sitting on the couch.


The poem was poignant. My daughter has SAD. (seasonal affective disorder) I have watched her suffer with it through the years. It sounds like you might have a touch of it too. I hope you can find some comfort in your family and home as you deal with these blues. Feeling so out of whack can be so frustrating, I know. Take care of yourself. This too shall pass. If it doesn't, don't be ashamed to go talk to a professional about it. Been there, done that and it can help.